The Longest Weekend in the World

Our adoption out in South Carolina didn't go as planned. We ended up losing a lot of money out of it and it was also difficult emotionally. Right now our family is just trying to recover from everything and get on with our lives. We don't know if or when we'll be able to adopt again because of this experience. Here's the story:

We made plans to travel out to South Carolina on Friday after the birth mom signed the consent papers to adopt which meant that all of her rights were signed over. We flew out and met our attorney at the hospital so we could see the baby boy. We held him in the nursery for a while, took pictures and then went to spend the night at our hotel. The plans were to pick him up from the hospital on Saturday afternoon. We got a call around midnight from our attorney saying that the birth mom had changed her mind and wanted to keep the baby. She felt she had been coerced into signing the papers. She moved rooms so our attorney could not have any contact with her after that.

We waited all the next day to find out if the baby would be released to us. Our attorney started working on our paperwork but didn't really get anything done because it was the weekend. The birth mom and baby stayed in the hospital on Sunday as well. In the meantime, our attorney decided that this case was more than she anticipated so she started charging us a lot more than we expected even though technically all of her paperwork would have been the same whether or not the birth mom changed her mind. We started to worry about her real intentions and about her work ethic but decided to give it one more day so we would have a chance to go to court the next day.

Monday came and we still did not have an opportunity to go to court. Our attorney had not scheduled a time for anything and said we would just get an emergency hearing. That did not happen of course. The judge said the case could wait a few more days. Unfortunately, the hospital lawyer decided that if we didn't get into court then the baby would be released to the birth mom on Tuesday. We didn't have any choice but to end the situation because once the birth mom had the baby at home it would be really difficult and expensive to get the baby back.

We contacted the hospital lawyer and an arrangement was made on our behalf to meet the birth mother to talk with her and also so I could hold the baby one more time. We met at 8:30 on Monday night at the hospital. We told the birth mom that we never wanted to have the adoption become a hostile situation and we only wanted what was best for the baby. I held the baby and told him how much we would always love him. I asked the birth mom if I could give her a hug. We embraced and cried for awhile. We gave her a couple of outfits, diapers and baby wipes for her to use. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done and I never want to go through that again. A hospital representative walked out with us and told me that was the most respectful thing she has ever witnessed. I broke down crying and we left.

I honestly believe that the baby would have had a much better home and life with us. We will always love him and wish he could be in our family. We are disappointed in how our attorney handled the entire case. She delayed so many things in the process that even if we were able to come home with the baby in the end it would have been way beyond our ability to pay and our time out of state would have been extremely long. It was not a good experience but in the end we had to think of our family and what was best for us as well.

We are home now and catching up on sleep. Addie and I plan on wearing our jammies day and night as we spend our time resting and watching the Disney channel. It was a really overwhelming experience for her. She still asks about the baby. Some people say she is too young to understand, but we know that she feels a loss just like us. The most precious experience I will remember is when she kissed the baby as we said goodbye.

We still hope we can adopt again someday but we have no idea when we will be able to afford it again. It is so expensive and there is always a risk involved. I just can't imagine the possibility of losing what we have lost already over again. We hope and pray that our little boy will come to us sooner than later because I can't imagine a life without him.

Just an Update

We heard back from our attorney last night and the birth mom is still in the hospital. She is expected to deliver on Wednesday if everything goes well. I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday and got absolutely nothing done. I think all the stress of everything was just starting to get to me a little bit. I was so relieved to get the call last night that everything was still progressing smoothly. Hopefully we'll be on a plane by Thursday, in court by Friday and home again a week after that! Thank you to everyone for all of your support and prayers on our behalf. We have the most wonderful family and friends! We'll be sure to keep you posted on any news we have!

What a Weekend

First of all, we found out that the birth mom last week with our adoption agency didn't pick us. We were completely fine with that because it happens and our turn will come too. So the plan was to be presented to the next birth mother today, which is Monday. Instead, I got a call from my friend Stacy who told me about another person who posted on our adoption forum about a baby boy that needed to be placed. I emailed right away to get in touch with the lawyer so we could find out more information. I was so nervous the whole night because we didn't hear anything until the next morning of course. Kathy called me and we talked about everything for a minute and then she referred me to Bonnie (who is the attorney). I called Bonnie and we started talking. It was a really crazy day with a few phone calls that made us worry about whether or not the situation would work for us. Finally, the birth mom decided that she wanted our family to adopt because we already have an african american child. Hooray! I was am so excited and completely nervous at the same time. There are so many unknowns in the situation so it is really difficult to take it all in. For now we are just taking it all one step at a time and hoping that everything continues to fall into place. Adoption is quite the journey but it is worth everything in the end. The last update we have is that the birth mom is in the hospital resting. The baby's lungs are not quite developed yet so the doctors think he may be a few weeks early right now. They gave the birth mom steriod shots to help with that and now we are just waiting. We'll fly out to South Carolina as soon as the baby is born and the birth mom signs paperwork. I can feel the wrinkles forming as I type this! I think I'll go have another brownie now. That should help with the stress right?

The Waiting Game

So we are just waiting to hear back from our agency if we are the one (out of five couples) to be picked as the adoptive family. We are actually more excited to hear about the situation we would be presented to next if we don't get picked for the first. Confusing, I know... but we feel really good about the second birth mom even though we really know nothing about it. It's just that the birth moms are matched in order and we have a choice to have our profile shown to them as they come up or pass on it and wait for the next one. We really can't pass up any situation where the baby and mom are both healthy. Our previous adoption was completely different because the agency picked us for the birth mom. The only thing we had to worry about was whether or not the birth mother actually went through with the adoption and we came home with our baby. Now I'm not so concerned about being picked as much as having to wait to find out each time we are presented. It is a really strange feeling and my stomach is in knots all the time. I can hardly eat or sleep so I hope this passes quickly for us and we are matched with a birth mom really soon! Then I can deal with the next level of anxiety - waiting for the big day when baby arrives! Ha, ha! Then there is the 24 hour waiting period before the birth mom signs papers to let us adopt the baby. Good thing I'm not thirty yet because all this stress is making me feel like it already! The other positive point is that I'm getting tons of projects done. The baby room should be ready after this weekend and we have just about everything we need for the new baby boy or girl whenever he or she decides to make his or her presence known. I need sleep.

Painting Up a Storm!

I spent another entire day painting and we now have a mississippi mud baby room. Tired. Done. I'll take the tape off, caulk around the window, reinstall the blinds, put up curtains, shampoo carpets, move furniture back in, install closet shelves, put away baby stuff... tomorrow!

Room for Another Baby

The answer is yes. We are making plans to adopt again and hopefully in the next few months. We would love it even more if it happens when we are hoping and expecting it to (like as in a specific day in March). The difficult part about it is that I'm not actually the one that is having a baby so everything from now until then completely depends on the decision of a birth mother who we will be fervently praying for. We are sending in a truckload of paperwork to A Guardian Angel adoption agency with whom we have complete confidence in helping us pursue our dreams of bringing home another baby. It is not the typical way most families have kids. Our family gets the more exciting and dramatic adventure with a designer price tag. Yeah we could invest in a house, a new car or go on vacations like we would love to... but we really just want to have another baby and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. We have a really good situation coming up that we hope will work out, but many of my friends who have adopted kids know too well the realities of adoption and how everything can change unexpectedly. We hope and pray that everything goes smoothly and without incident. At the same time, I'm trying not to invest too much of myself into it just in case it doesn't work out. Trying to maintain the balance of hope could be compared to the emotions of a pregnant person so I guess it has its similarities in that sense. My poor husband! Meanwhile, I'm keeping myself busy by working on another book (that I'm illustrating myself), painting the baby room a dark tan or light brown (depending on how you describe it) and working out on the treadmill (thank goodness it is finally replaced at the clubhouse). We talk with Addie about bringing home a baby all the time so she kind of has an idea that sometime in the future a baby will actually be a permanent thing in our home. She gets pretty confused when we watch someone's kids for a few hours and then they go home. She usually remains grumpy about it and keeps asking for the baby to come back so hopefully that is a good sign that she wants a baby too! I love my girl. Aaron is secretly hoping for another girl so he can say, "I love my girls."

Making Another Book

I'm starting another project... I know, I haven't even finished the first one yet! BUT, Aaron is determined to finish the illustrations now that he is done with the GMAT (he took it on Saturday) so I have time to work on something else while he finishes that. Anyways... I was playing with Addie today (who is getting so stinkin' smart now) and decided to use my leftover letter stickers to make an alphabet book for her. It turned out really cute and gave me the great idea of making another alphabet book. I must have a thing for ABC books because I always have a million ideas for them. So I'm working on yet another one of my ideas and hopefully I'll get it done before Aaron does and then we'll have 2 books in print. I'll let you know when it's done of course, but don't get too antsy waiting or anything. I still have a stack of burp cloths on my kitchen table to sew, a bedroom to paint, curtains to make, etc. Ha, ha! So little time... too many things I just want to make!

The Princess and the Frog Movie

We finally went to see "The Princess and the Frog" with Addie. She has only been to the movies once before so we were a little concerned about how she would handle sitting through an entire movie in the theater, especially when she started out a little wiggly before it even began! Aaron walked around with her until the previews started and then she clinged to us like glue. She was a little nervous about some of the previews and she kept going back and forth taking turns cuddling Mommy and Daddy. I think she had to get used to the noisy and dark theater too. Once the movie started, she calmed down and stayed put in my lap for the first third of the movie. That was the best part! Then she became interested in the popcorn and root beer so that kept her busy for a little while. Finally she started getting a little wiggly toward the end of the movie and started playing with her shoe, singing the alphabet song and waving to the girls behind her (who had previously handed her popcorn at the beginning of the movie too). The end of the movie grabbed her attention and she gave a great big "WOW!" Adorable, I know... and the movie was great too, but mostly I was just happy to see my little girl enjoy herself.

Singing and Counting

Addie is officially singing her ABCs and counting from 1-10. I consider it official because she spent nearly an hour singing her ABCs in bed before falling asleep one night mixed in with a few other random tidbits she inserted into the song... like saying a prayer in the middle and then picking right back up where she left off and finishing the alphabet song. She also counted from 1-10 at least thirty times today. I think she likes to show us how smart she is! Of course, we tend to think everything she does is adorable and amazing because we're her parents... but I also have a ton of people constantly commenting on how cute she is all the time. Friday is usually my day to get everything done so we were busy running around town today. Addie entertained everyone she could with her newly acquired mastery of her songs and counting. Me however - I'm kind of ready for something different. What should I teach her next? We're working on "Summertime." Maybe she'll grow up and be a jazz singer! Ha, ha! She sure likes to sing.

No Bon Bons Here

So I was following my routine of eating dinner when Aaron gets home from work, giving Addie a bath, saying bedtime prayers and putting Addie to bed... followed by changing into workout clothes and going over to our clubhouse to exercise. I usually bring a DVD of some sort to watch, but tonight I turned the TV on and lo and behold... the Biggest Loser Premiere was on! This is probably the first time ever I have seen that show while working out. I admit that I've seen it a few times before and most of the time I was laying on the couch after a long day. I'm kind of proud of the fact that I was actually not feeling guilty while watching it this time! Ha, ha! I guess I have something to look forward to on Tuesday evenings from now on instead of bringing an old movie I've seen a few times before. Good times. Less Guilt. No bon bons.